It is said that the moments that change a life are not always those that are anticipated. Sometimes they are born from a silent, almost unconscious quest, towards something greater than oneself.
This is how I found myself a rainy morning in October, on the way for a psychedelic retirement in the North of the Netherlands. This trip was not a simple escape, but an intentional approach, guided by a deep curiosity about the interior mysteries that I had long rejected.
Preparation for psychedelic journey: a crucial framework
The idea of participating in a psychedelic retirement in the Netherlands had come to me after months of reflection and reading on therapeutic and spiritual potential of psychedelic substances.
Recent studies on psilocybin, especially those carried out by the Johns Hopkins Center for PsycheDelic and Consciiousness Research, had intrigued me. Their results suggested that in a controlled framework, Psilocybin could induce Deeply transformative experiences, helping to treat depression, anxiety, and even facilitating a spiritual reconnection.
As wrote Michael Pollan In How to Change Your Mind: "Psychedelics are not a panacea, but they offer a window on the mind and how we can reshape it. »»
It was with this curiosity mixed with prudence that I signed up for a three -day retirement In a specialized center located in the Dutch countryside. The place was located on a restored farm, surrounded by green fields which extended to the horizon. A peaceful lake bordered the property, giving to This place an atmosphere of quiet eternity.
As soon as I arrived, I was welcomed by warm faces, imbued with gentle benevolence, the one that is reserved for those who undertake a spiritual path. The other participants came from various horizons - doctors, artists, teachers - all animated by a common desire to transcend their personal limits. Organizers, experienced guides and trained in Transpersonal psychology, had insisted on the importance of the set and setting - the state of mind and the environment - two crucial elements for a positive experience.
The days before retirement, I followed the recommendations: Light food, daily meditation, and journaling to clarify my intentions. I had decided to approach this experience with a central question: " How can I better understand and accept the shares of me that I flee? »
The organizers had also taken care of Create a sacred space. Candles floated on the water from the lake to twilight, and mantras songs echoed slowly through the surrounding woods. Everything here breathed peace, but also a form of gravity. This retreat was not a party or an carefree getaway; It was an act of faith in human capacity to cure through confrontation with oneself.
D -day: the first sip towards the unknown
The day of the ceremony arrived quickly. After sharing a vegetarian meal in silence, nWe were invited to sit around a campfire, under a celestial vault dotted with stars.
The atmosphere was both solemn and benevolent. After a guided meditation and a speech where everyone shared their intentions, the guides have distributed doses of psilocybin in the form of tea. The dose, carefully measured, was intended to induce a deep but manageable experience.
Before consuming, Our guide, a serene man with penetrating eyes, we recalled The words of Terence McKenna : *"Psychedelic experience is a bridge between the two hemispheres of the brain."* He added that that evening, we were going to explore this intermediate space, the one where tangible reality meets the invisible.
first sensations are slowly arrived, like a rising tide. I felt a diffuse heat in my body, accompanied by a lightness.
THE guides encouraged us to lie down, has look down and to us experience. Music, a playlist carefully made up of ambient sounds and bewitching melodies, served as a common thread throughout the trip.
But soon I started to notice subtle changes. My perceptions were referring, as if Each noise, each movement took new meaning.
A breath of wind became a symphony, and the shadows projected by the flames seemed to come to life.
Then came the progressive dissolution of the self. My body was light, then nonexistent. My mind was propelled into an infinite mental landscape, where the usual boundaries between the past, the present and the future dissolved. I was simultaneously child, adolescent and adult, confronted with versions of myself that I thought I had forgotten or abandoned.
The trip: between visions and introspection
At the end of a Thirty minutes or 1 hour Having lost the notion of time, this is where the visions began. They were not fixed images, but rather living scenes, full of symbolism. I revise key moments in my life, but this time, they were filtered through a new perspective.
I then understood what Terence McKenna meant when he described psychedelics as " Exploring time and interior space ». My mind freed itself from the constraints daily, diving into a flow of thoughts And images which seemed both foreign and familiar.
At one point, I felt like I was dissolving in the universe, losing any notion of myself. This Dissolution of the ego, often described in psychedelic literature, was both terrifying and liberating.
As wrote Aldous Huxley In the doors of perception: "The ordinary man withdraws from the world because he is afraid of getting lost. But under the effect of mescaline, we gladly get lost, because we discover that it is not a loss, but an expansion. »»
During this trip, I have been confronted with repressed memories and intense emotions. I saw moments of my life when I had acted out of fear or insecure, and I felt a deep compassion for the person I was at these times. An inner voice, soft but firm, repeated me: "You are enough. You have always been enough. »»
THE visions took a more spiritual turn Towards the peak of experience. I had the impression of Communicate with superior intelligence, a benevolent presence who sent me a simple but powerful message: " Everything is interconnected. Take care of yourself, because taking care of yourself, you take care of everything. »
A significant scene was the one where I revisited a violent argument with my father, years ago. But this time, I could feel not only my own pain, but also hers. It was as if, for a few moments, I had access to his soul.
These visions brought a spiritual meaning. They reminded me that we Let's be part of a much bigger whole, a complex network of energies and relationships that exceeds our daily understanding.
Human interactions: a collective mirror
Which made this even more powerful experience was interaction with other participants. While some remained silent, others verbally expressed their experiences. We were mirrors for each other, everyone reflecting fragments of universal truth. A man confessed his fear of death, and hearing it, I realized that this fear was also part of me.
Another participant, a doctor, shared a vision where she saw the diseases not as enemies to fight, but like body messages. She then quoted Henri Bergson: *"Everything changes, everything goes, and yet nothing disappears."* This sentence echoed in me as a fundamental truth. Our struggles, our fears, our desires are all transient, but they are an integral part of our existence.
The after-voyage: integration and reflections
As the effects went, I felt overwhelmed by a deep gratitude. The other participants and I shared our experiences during a speech circle. Everyone had experienced something unique, but a common theme emerged: The importance of love, connection and self -acceptance.
The following days, I felt an inner calm that I had not known for years. The lessons of the experience continued to resonate in me, encouraging myself to adopt healthier habits and to cultivate a more benevolent relationship with myself.
As emphasizes Michael Pollan In *How to change your mind*, psychedelics can "reorganize the brain", offering a new perspective on our habits and behaviors. For me, it meant a renewed will to cultivate authentic relationships and to pursue a more aligned lifestyle with my deep values.
Long -term impact: unfinished work
The months following retreat were marked by ups and downs. Some lessons learned from the experience remained anchored in me, while others were temporarily forgotten. But what persisted was the awareness of the need for constant inner work. Psychedelics are not magic solutions; They are tools, and like any tool, they must be used with caution and respect.
Warnings and precautions: an ethical approach
It is essential to mention that this experience is not without risks. As reminded Robin Carhart-Harris, researcher in neuroscience: "Psychedelics can amplify existing problems if the framework or preparation are not adequate." People with serious psychological disorders, such as schizophrenia or bipolarity, should approach these substances with extreme vigilance, even avoid their use.
To conclude: the path continues
Looking back, I see this retreat as a starting point, not a destination. The psychedelics gave me an overview of my inner potential, but it is now up to me to continue this trip in a conscious manner. As wrote Rainer Maria Rilke : "The goal of a man is not to find answers, but to continue to ask the right questions."
And this is precisely what I continue to do, day after day, in the hope that each step approaches me a little more light.
